1. Clear purpose - does the reader know exactly what you're offering?

GENERAL CRITIQUE

• You seem a little unclear about the main purpose of this page. Is it to motivate readers to contact you about your consulting services? To advertise your book? To offer an online library of free resources?


• Good job identifying your target audience right away: "Her clients are leaders, executives..." This will encourage the right people to keep reading - and filter out the rest

WHAT YOU CAN DO

• Decide exactly what course of action your ideal web-visitor should follow. Then guide your reader along that course with clear, specific language, and eliminate anything that might divert them from that course


• You can still include other agendas, like advertising your book, but I'll wager you'd rather have a new client than a new reader. So make sure to put your consulting services in the spotlight


• If the book must appear somewhere on your homepage, consider plugging it like this: "Hi, I'm Debbie Payne, leadership consultant and co-author of TRI-NAMICS Coaching Triangle System" with a link to an order page

2. Clear customer benefit - is your copy loaded with evidence as to how the reader's life will be improved by your products or services?

GENERAL CRITIQUE

• The copy doesn't explain why strong leadership skills are important, or what exactly the reader will gain from leadership coaching. You get close in the second paragraph - "It is through deep self-awareness and authenticity that we uncover leadership talents" - but stop short of telling us what we could do with our those talents


• Nice job including a testimonial. And I'll bet you have a few more testimonials to use - or you could ask your favorite clients to contribute them

WHAT YOU CAN DO

• Starting with the headline, load your copy with real-life ways that your coaching will help your clients. Brainstorm the benefits and results that will make readers think, "Yes yes yes! I want that!"


• Add more testimonials and move them on up! (See "Professional impression")


• Give this testimonial section a more enticing head than "CLIENT TESTIMONIAL." Something like, "Here's what people are saying about DP Leadership Associates"

3. Onscreen reader friendliness - does your web copy attract the eye and provide "anchors"?

GENERAL CRITIQUE

• You're not using subheads, boldface or bullet points. Without these devices, even your relatively brief paragraphs seem too long - your readers will probably skim a few lines and then lose interest

WHAT YOU CAN DO

• Before you start adding "anchors," go back to the "clear purpose" step. Your copy must have a crystal-clear agenda: reaching out to your target audience, letting them know that you feel their desires and frustrations, explaining why your services are the solution, and persuading them to take action


• Once you've structured your copy along those lines, it's easy to see which parts need to be highlighted with subheads, boldface, etc.


• Try replacing long, comma-filled sentences with bullet sections. Example: you could change the 4th paragraph into a punchy section called "My Services"

4. Clear language - is your copy simple, accessible and welcoming?

GENERAL CRITIQUE

• Until the last paragraph, there's no "I" in your body copy: "DP Leadership Associates excels at..." "Debbie Payne provides..." So the reader has no point of entry, no human voice to welcome them in


• The body copy can be pretty vague, and "Leaders Step Up and Grow" is more of a head-scratcher than a headline

WHAT YOU CAN DO

• Talk to us! Ditch the formal tone and address your readers individually, as if you were pitching your services in a casual one-on-one conversation


• Introduce yourself in the first or second paragraph - just as if you were shaking hands with someone


• Remember: people's ears tend to perk up much quicker if they know there's a real person, not a faceless company, on the other end of the line

5. Professional impression - is the layout clean and easy on the eye?

GENERAL CRITIQUE

• Your body copy is set in one wide column, which makes the eye move slower and wear out faster. It would look more readable in magazine-style columns - like the bottom half of the page


• Way to include a photo of yourself! Too bad it's tiny and buried at the bottom

WHAT YOU CAN DO

• Consider dividing the entire page into two columns: main copy on the left, testimonials on the right


• Use that photo for all it's worth. Move it to the top of the page and make it big enough that viewers can see your eyes - that eye contact is a basic, powerful way to get them reading

6. Search engine friendliness - is it written in a way that boosts your site to the top of Google searches?

GENERAL CRITIQUE

• Your page title contains only one key word: "Leadership." That title could be working much harder for you


• Your keyword density seems about right in the body copy - although you might want to add "consulting" and "coaching" a few more times

WHAT YOU CAN DO

• Consider adding the main industries you work for - and want to work for - to your copy, e.g. healthcare, education, civic agencies. That will help your prospects find you

7. Clear call to action - Will readers know what to do once you've convinced them to buy?

GENERAL CRITIQUE

• There's only one teensy contact link at the very bottom of the page. And since it's not connected to your body copy, readers could easily miss it

WHAT YOU CAN DO

• Your copy should flow directly into a single call to action. Finish your body copy with a direct appeal, e.g. "Why not get in touch with me right now?"


• Don't stop there: find other places where readers can get in touch with you. You can hyperlink your photo and any copy that says, "contact us." (See the 3rd paragraph of your current copy.) Just make sure there are contact links at the top and bottom of the page


• I highly recommend that you sweeten the pot by offering a FREE 20-minute phone consultation in your call to action

Debbie, I hope you put some of these ideas to work before you graduate to a bigger website - that way, you'll see just how powerful these homepage boosting methods can be! Best of luck.

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© Katja Bartholmess is a freelance copywriter and marketing consultant with
offices in New York and Berlin. In business since 2002, Katja connects products
and services with the people who buy them by way of sales letters, web copy,
promotions, newsletters, and much more. Find out more at www.writing-your-success.com or get in touch: (917)365-6106; katja@kb-words.com.