WHAT YOU CAN DO
• Consider rewriting your body copy. Put yourself in the shoes of a potential client who has come across your website but knows nothing about OPD. Oh yes, this imaginary client also has a very short attention span
• Sum up your business and what it does for your clients in one or two sentences. Make that sentence its own paragraph and place it prominently in the body
• Select your target audience: government departments and agencies, and large and medium companies. Your first headline should narrow down your readers to serious potential clients. “GET BOTTOM LINE RESULTS FOR YOUR SMALL BUSINESS OR GOVERNMENT AGENCY FROM MY BUSINESS PERFORMANCE STRATEGIES” might be too specific, but it’s a step in the right direction

2. Clear customer benefit – is your copy loaded with evidence as to how the reader’s life will be improved by your products or services?

GENERAL CRITIQUE
• You don’t offer any solutions in the body; the sidebar only offers solutions at the end
• The “Improvement Program Approaches” table offers benefits, but will only be effective if you’ve laid a foundation of info that makes the reader understand what the “approaches” are all about
• No “reasons why” your company is a cut above; only the claim that most improvement strategies fail and yours doesn’t. Why should the reader believe you? What makes OPD different?

WHAT YOU CAN DO
• Using the simplest, most direct language, tell the reader how OPD beats the 4-out-of-5 odds: Experience? New ideas? Credentials? Something else entirely?
• For added credibility, round up some testimonials; place at least one near the top of your home page

3. Onscreen reader friendliness – does your web copy attract the eye and provide “anchors”?

GENERAL CRITIQUE
• Your copy may get the point across in print, but it just doesn’t work on the web. Long sentences and paragraphs and lots of commas (see the second and third paragraphs of the body) are no-nos.
• The font size (acceptable, but definitely on the small side) makes the copy seem dense; it doesn’t invite the reader in
• The body contains two headlines but no other anchors to keep the reader’s eye on the page

WHAT YOU CAN DO
• The goal is to let people know where to start reading – intuitively and instantly. Setting your body copy in a larger font than the rest of the page will help. You can get away with having more detail in your sidebar and “Improvement Program Approaches” table, but the top of your page should grab the reader before he or she clicks over to your competition’s website
• Using web copy devices like bullets, subheads and boldface. Make it very clear where you want your reader’s eyes to land. This will boost your search engine ranking and get your point across faster

4. Clear language – is your copy simple, accessible and welcoming?

GENERAL CRITIQUE
• Clarity and accessibility seems to be a weaker point on your page. The copy could be a lot tidier: the second paragraph seems to trail off before making a point, and one sentence reads, “Assess the Assess the performance…”
• No “I”; only an “us” in the call to action. Even if you represent a team, readers respond more readily to individuals

WHAT YOU CAN DO
• Make it personal: tell the reader how you, personally, can help them
• The company is named after you, so make that connection: “Hello, I’m Kerry Oldfield, founder of Oldfield Performance Dynamics.” This could go at the top of the sidebar
• Make sure your copy is free of errors before sending it to the webmaster

5. Professional impression – is the layout clean and easy on the eye?

GENERAL CRITIQUE

• Photo: great! It helps to forge a personal connection between you and your audience


• The design looks professional (good job on the three columns), but you’re right: “Too little focus, too busy.” I don’t know where to look.

WHAT YOU CAN DO
• To maximize the effectiveness of your photo, follow it up photo with a proper introduction (see “Clear Language”)
• As suggested in “onscreen reader friendliness,” it’s crucial to help the reader navigate intuitively through your homepage. One solution is to make the body more prominent than the rest of the page. Trim the word count and bump up the font size

6. Search engine friendliness – is it written in a way that boosts your site to the top of Google searches?

GENERAL CRITIQUE
• Title contains only one potential keyword: “Performance”
• No boldface in the body copy or sidebar
• Your page has a lot of text, which could make for good search engine-fodder. But currently the page isn’t search engine-optimized because the copy isn’t focused enough. Some key phrases, like “training,” appear several times; others, like “coaching” are all but missing

WHAT YOU CAN DO
• Add job description and customer benefit to your title. Something like, “Oldfield Performance Dynamics – Executive Coaching for Maximum Productivity”
• More key phrases! Find out what phrases your target market is typing into Google and load your home page with them. (“Management training” and “productivity” might be examples.)

7. Clear call to action – Will readers know what to do once you’ve convinced them to buy?

GENERAL CRITIQUE
• Only one explicit call to action, at the bottom of the sidebar
• Plenty of contact info, though: the “Contact Us” button, the email and phone numbers on the left, and the call to action.
• Nice job offering your mobile number in addition to your office number. It shows that you’re willing to take the reader’s call even if you’re on the go

WHAT YOU CAN DO
• You could rewrite your call to action so that it highlights the reader benefit: “Ring me or drop me an e-mail so that we can start boosting your company’s performance!”
• If it’s calls you’re after, why not offer a FREE 20-minute phone consultation? You could put this in bold near the top of your sidebar (after you introduce yourself and your company). You don’t even have to delete the existing contact info – the more the merrier!
• On the left side, above your email and phone numbers, we have “Contact Information.” How about, “Three ways to get in touch with me”? The more options you give readers, the more likely they are to use them

In his sidebar, Kerry makes an excellent point: “Often rather minor adjustments can yield much improved business results.” I couldn’t agree more. If he makes even a few of the adjustments I have suggested, I know that his phone will start ringing.

If you want to improve the performance of your website too, click here to find out how you can get your very own Homepage Booster. It’s really easy!