Did you know the giraffe has the biggest heart in relation to its body size of any mammal? That’s why I choose it to be our symbol for learning Mastery #1: Establishing and maintaining a relationship of trust
Mastery #1 Definition: Ensuring a safe space and supportive relationship for the client’s personal growth, discovery and transformation.
(the definition is from the members learning guide available at the IAC website)
The keywords to remember for Mastery #1 are TRUST and RAPPORT (remember the giraffe with the extra-big heart).
Some of the ways that you build trust and rapport are by:
• using active listening skills such as paraphrasing and listening for feeling as well as content
• having a warm and supportive tone of voice
• validating the client’s feelings
• asking for the client’s suggestions and input
Action Item:
Listen to the 6 minute coaching excerpt below and then answer the questions. Then scroll down to read my suggested answers (my answers are not all-inclusive. If you heard something that I didn’t mention, well done!)
Click here to listen…
Click here to download…
Questions:
1. Was there a feeling of trust between the coach and client? How do you know?
2. Identify an example where the coach demonstrated active listening skills.
3. Give an example of when the coach invited client’s input.
4. What did the coach do or say to help the client feel accepted and supported by the coach?
5. Were there any instances where the coach imposed an opinion, invalidated the client, or otherwise expressed or implied judgement of the client?
Answers:
1. Was there a feeling of trust between the coach and client? How do you know?
• the client spoke very openly about something that was quite personal for her – she wouldn’t have spoken so openly if she didn’t trust the coach
• laughter – towards the end of the excerpt you heard some indications of relief and rueful recognition in the clients’ tone of voice.
2. Identify an example where the coach demonstrated active listening skills.
• “Gynn, last week you talked about your irritation and frustration, how are you feeling about it now?”
• “and when you say go deeper, what do you mean?”
• “what kinds of feelings come up for you?”
3. Give an example of when the coach invited client’s input
• “how are you feeling about it now?”
• “and when you say go deeper, what do you mean?”
• “what do you know about introverts vs. extroverts” (notice that the coach asked for the client’s input before doing any “teaching” or “informing”)
• “what kinds of things have you done in the past?”
4. What did the coach do or say to help the client feel accepted and supported?
• Client asked “would that be alright?” and coach answers “that would be just fine”
• Coach did not rush to offer solutions
• Coach allowed time for the client to explore her thoughts and feelings
• Coach didn’t make any assumptions about what the client means or feels
5. Were there any instances where the coach imposed an opinion, invalidated the client, or otherwise expressed or implied judgement of the client?
• I hope not!
If you enjoyed this tutorial and would like to see more, please let me know by leaving a comment. Thanks!
And if you’d like to hear me coaching three different clients in full-length coaching sessions, along with teaching commentary, you can order my 2-CD set called The Sound Of Coaching.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Barbra, I really enjoyed listening to the coaching clip and I was particularly impressed with your listening skills. I also liked the fact that you didn’t offer advice or solutions which I think was perfect for this client at this time. I wonder Barbra if extroverts can “learn” to be less effusive can introverts learn to be more effusive?
Thanks, Joan Bell
That is such a great question Joan. And I believe the answer is yes. In fact, I once read something that was a list of “What Introverts Wish Extroverts Would Do” and “What Extroverts Wish Introverts Would Do”. As expected, the introverts wishes that extroverts would listen more. But I was surprised (probably because I am an introvert) to learn that extroverts wish introverts would speak up more!
So I think one of the lessons for introverts is stop waiting for extroverts to change! Take some responsibility for change ourselves.
of course, there’s more to it than that and I cover additional strategies in the later part of that recording (which I intend to release as future Masteries lessons).
I am indeed learning about “Trust and Rapport” within this 6 mins recording. Thank you Barbra for your giraffe heart. Appreciate it.
Barbra – I really valued you providing a recording of a coaching session for us. It was interesting and great food for thought for me as a new coach. I wanted to hear how the session played out – so you definitely piqued my interest!
I would love to hear more of these recordings. Thanks for being vulnerable in putting this out there. If you are brave enough I would love to hear a clip of a session where you had one of those moments when you thought “Oh my – where is this going next?” (Unless thats just me! Lol)
Rich x
Kathryn: thank you for your kind comments. you brought a smile to my face.
Rich: oh, that happens to me all the time!
Hi Barbra! I’m never disappointed when you role out a new project. I just wish the audio was longer! I’ll look forward to the next one! Mary Logan